On the surface it seems an odd idea that you could actually be anything other than who you really are. But from the time we can talk, we’re being programmed to “fit in”. We find ourselves conforming in order to please the people we love, and who love us. We give into the need of choosing others happiness and needs above our own. When you are a natural care-taker or giver, it feel right to neglect your own needs for those around you. We view this as how we show love and support.
But sometimes that means that you have to suppress what you know is the real person inside. You get lost in the shuffle without even realize it's happening. And yet, your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. Without a healthy relationship with yourself, it’s practically impossible to have healthy relationships with anyone else. We believe that by taking time to love ourselves we are being selfish but that couldn't be further from the truth.
If you’re ready to get reacquainted with someone you haven’t seen in a while – yourself – start with these 4 ideas to help you rediscover the real you.
1. Quiet the noise in your head
You know those voices well, the ones that are constantly nagging you to pick up the dry cleaning, talk to the school teacher, juggle the bills, schedule the vet, keep the boss happy. With all that noise going on, it will be impossible for you to hear anything else. This MUST be the first step.
How do you do that? By setting up systems, simplifying, and establishing
enough extras in your life to allow you to operate from a position of abundance, instead of lack. My favorite way to begin to quiet all that chatter is meditation.
2. Practice thinking about yourself in healthy ways
In order to do that, you must first believe that you are valuable, and your Real Self has something to offer the world. Since you talk to yourself more than everyone else in your life combined --that’s a lot of talk!—it’s up to YOU to establish healthy communication in your thinking. Consciously listen to how you talk to yourself; write down the unhealthy things you say; challenge them; and replace them with facts.
Self-Talk: “You never do anything right.”
Challenge: “Of course I do things right. I did (example) right. I did (example) right. This time, I just made a mistake. I’ll learn from it and have better success next time.”
Journaling daily is one of my favorite rituals.
3. Listen to your heart
Sounds easy enough, but by the time we’re adults, most of us have stopped listening to our hearts and go only with our heads. Those two must reconnect in order to find and connect with your real self. It’s easy to become accustomed to thinking about your feelings instead of really feeling them. Instead of asking yourself what you think about something, ask why it’s important. And do not be afraid to feel ALL the feelings, even the hard ones. Remember that our biggest transformation comes in the uncomfortable spaces.
4. Be careful not to get hung-up on a specific goal
What you’re really after is a feeling -- respect, love, appreciation - as opposed to the successful career, the soulmate, the flashy new car or the big house. Keep an open mind to the feelings, and be willing to adjust the methods you use to achieve them. Determine not just your goals, but how it satisfies who you really are. Feel into the feelings and emotions that achieving your goals with bring and that is what you need to tap into every day. The more that you can "feel the feels" the more of it you will manifest into your reality. The mask will come off and your real self will come shining through.
A person you can know and love - you! - is waiting for you to take the time to listen and understand and accept. When you accept your Real Self again, you'll make smarter choices, and those choices will stick because they actually fit who you are. Now, that's what you're really looking for, isn't it?
If you are looking for more help on your journey back to yourself, check out my Fuel Your Soul Bundle. A 22 page Journal Style Workbook and Channeled Mediation to help you start down a path of self-discovery. When you are feeling disconnected from yourself, it's time to Fuel Your Soul!